What Could Have Been

Title: What Could Have Been
Author: Waterfall_Creek
Summary: What could have happened if things had changed slightly. Slight AU to 8x06.
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"Dean? What the hell, man? We went to the hospital, and you're not answering your phone."

Sam just watched Dean with annoyance as he stared at the wall with a blank face, while walking farther into the hotel room. While he wouldn't admit it to his brother, especially with all the problems their having right now, he had been worried about him. When he didn't answer the phone repeatedly, Sam had thought something had gone wrong.

Dean turned his eyes towards Sam as he was stuffing his phone back in his pocket. He stood slowly, which triggered Sam's internal alarm that was telling him something was wrong, pulling out his gun and cocking it, before pointing it at him. Sam tilted his head slightly with a slight frown, not entirely sure what to do with the action.

"You should have looked for me when I was in Purgatory." Dean said, voice the flat tone he'd been using quite often since returning. His face was just as blank as it had been when Sam and Garth had showed up a minute ago, even with him pointing a gun, with the safety off, at his own brother.

Sam clenched his jaw at the statement, almost glaring at his brother while swallowing deeply and taking a deep breathe, even though his chest felt kind of constricted. He'd known Dean had been angry at him, but this was more than angry...this was outright hate.

"C'mon, Dean. I know it's not you in there pulling the strings." Sam said, trying to calm his brother down, but knowing with an almost certainty that it wouldn't work. This was the coin's doing, and unless they could get it away from his brother, this wasn't going to end well. It didn't end well for the other people, so why would it end well for them when they had the worst luck in the entire universe it seemed?

"Shut. Up." Dean said almost breathlessly. The gun shaking a minute amount and a disgusted look creased his face along with his anger.

"Don't!" Dean almost shouted, jerking the gun away from Sam and pointing it towards Garth, who'd been slowly reaching for the gun on his hip. The slender hunter watched Dean and slowly moved his hand back away. Sam turned toward him, checking to make sure he was okay and to let him know not to do anything stupid, before turning back to find his brothers gun turned back on him.

"You never even wanted this life." Dean all but growled. "Always blamed me for pulling you back into it." The look of anger deepened on his face. Sam minutely shook his head in denial.

"That's not true." Sam said. He knew that this as the coin's doing but it still hurt. Did his brother actually think that, or was it the coin manipulating what he was actually feeling?

"Really? Cause everything you've ever done since you climbed into my ride has been to deceive me." Dean spat. His face hardened and he shifted slightly.

"What do you want me to say? That I made mistakes? I've made mistakes, Dean!" Sam almost shouted, his tone switching between anger and frustration. He knew he'd made mistakes, and some pretty big ones. But Dean ha also made some, but did Sam go around reminding him of them all the damn time? No. He'd seen them, accepted them and moved on. Why couldn't Dean do the same, even when he said he would?

"That's not Dean, Sam." Garth said. He knew what Sam was doing, and he didn't like it. If he felt like he had to explain himself, fine, but he didn't have to do it because of a pissed of cursed coin.

"SHUT UP!" Dean shouted at them, waving the gun around erratically. His face kept switching between emotions that would make him completely unstable if it were to come to blows between them.

Garth shifted back barely, his feet not moving. He warily watched Dean's face as the anger overruled everything else.

Sam jerked slightly at his brothers outburst, his body recoiling as if it had received a blow. This wasn't his brother, but by God did it sound like him.

"Mistakes?" Dean chuckled bitterly. "Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits." His voice changed sarcastically at the nickname he'd given his brother.

"Drinking demon blood, check." Dean's tone to one full of disgust as he took a step towards Sam.

"Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about, running around with Samuel for a year, letting me think that you were dead while you were running around doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes Sam. Those are choices!" Dean listed off, voice going to a roar at the end. The hand holding the gun jerked, bringing the weapon closer to the younger Winchester. Sam shook his head slightly during the tirade but his face shifted to one of resignation by the end.

"Alright." Sam said, tone one of slight defeat. He raised his eyes from where they were on the floor to look at his brother. "You said it. We both played it a little fast and loose."

"Yeah, I might have lied, But I never once betrayed you." Dean replied. His anger was increasing the longer this as going on. Whether is was because of the coin or actual anger, no one knew. Sam frowned and shifted, clenching his jaw in his own anger.

"I never once left you to die." Dean continued his tirade. After a moment of silence he continued with a slight scoff. "And for what...a girl?" Sam shifted and looked away. Dean had been angry with that since the beginning, and Sam had slightly understood that even if Dean didn't understand his reasons for doing it, but he hadn't thought he'd hated him for it. Sam looked back up after a moment, glaring at the older hunter.

"You left me to die for a girl!" Dean shouted, the gun shifting some more. Sam clenched his jaw in anger before knocking the hand with the gun aside and punching his older sibling. While Dean stumbled he grabbed him by his jacket and whirled them around to slam him into the glass partition. Dean grunted at the impact.

Sam punched him again, still struggling with the gun that Deans still had in his hands. Sam slammed his fist into the side of Dean's head, making him drop slightly, only for Dean to rear up and slam his arm into Sam's head, knocking him back a little. Dean head butted his brother, pushing him back before kicking him in the chest, sending him back and crashing into the table behind him. Sam cried out in pain at the impact. Dean panted for breathe in anger and at the exertion while Sam rolled over slightly. Sam pulled himself up slightly using the couch, chest aching as Dean took a step towards him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Garth exclaimed, skidding to a stop in front of Dean, preventing him from getting to Sam who was behind him.

"Garth, don't." Sam grunted out, the pain unmistakable along with the fear in that sound. He hissed when he leaned against the couch for support. His nose was bleeding, along with his mouth, covering the bottom part of his face in the red substance.

"No," Garth breathed out, hands in front of his body in a placating gesture to the enraged Dean, "he won't kill me." Dean glared and shifted, clenching his jaw, but kept the gun trained on the slender hunter in response.

"His beef isn't with me," Garth continued. "You aren't gonna shoot me, are ya, Dean?" Garth questioned. Dean shifted his body back, raising his gun as he did so.

"Move." Dean ground out threateningly at Garth. Sam watched the whole thing, leaning his head back against the armrest, hoping that maybe Garth could reach his brother.

"C'mon, Dean. You do not want to kill your brother." Garth said, trying to get through to him. His hands were still up in a placating manner, but he was ready to move if he had to. Dean hunched over some, trying to be a bit more threatening, keeping the gun trained on the other hunter.

"You've been protecting him your whole life," Garth explained. "Don't stop now." Dean lowered his head, and the slender hunter thought that maybe it had worked. Dean raised his head again, face just as cold as it was before.

"He left me to rot in Purgatory." Dean replied to Garth's intervention. Sam looked despairingly on from his spot on the floor at his brothers statement.

"Maybe he did," Garth said, "I don't know, I wasn't there. I'm sure he had his reasons." Dean looked Garth over, as if debating on if the other hunter could actually stop him if Dean really tried to get past him.

"Just like you had your reasons...for Benny." Sam spat from the floor. He knew the comment would make his brother mad, but he was tired of having all the crap dumped on him. He could dish out some hurt too. Garth gave a slight nod and a shrug of his shoulders in agreement, before frowning.

"Who?" Garth questioned, turning around to face Sam, taking his attention off of Dean. He turned back around to face him again when Dean started talking.

"Benny's been more of a brother to me this past year than you've ever been!" Dean shouted angrily back at Sam, a look of contempt coming over his face. Sam swallowed and turned his head away slightly, a hurt look appearing in his eyes for a moment before disappearing behind a blank mask.

"That's right." Dean said. "Cas let me down. You let me down. The only person who hasn't let me down is Benny." Dean continued spitefully. Sam just watched as what was left of their relationship that the last few years hadn't destroyed fall to pieces at the spiteful, cruel words being said. He'd thought that things had been a little better, nowhere near what it used to be but better that before, after getting his soul back. Sure, the whole mess with Cas and the Leviathans and Lucifer caused some strife but they'd still been there for one another. Now though, now it was officially over. It had to be.

"I know you're angry. But man, you've got to fight this thing. Do not do this!" Garth continued to try and get through to Dean. He knew that the things being said would be regretted later, and he also knew that they would be the hardest to forgive. But they could be forgiven, it just may take a while. But the only way to be able to get them to be forgiven is if he cold get Dean to fight and get him away from that damned coin.

Dean looked between Garth and Sam, almost as if debating his options. His eyes turned back to Garth though, when he continued speaking.

"Just let go." the shorter hunter said. Sam watched in silence, waiting and see what would happen in the next moments. "C'mon, Dean." Garth pleaded. Dean stood in silence for a moment, processing Garth's words. Silence reigned and nobody moved until Dean moved forward.

"Goodbye, Sam." Dean said going to shove Garth out of the way. The small hunter moved quickly and punched Dean in the jaw, sending him sideways a step. Nobody heard the sound of the trigger going off a split second before Garth hit Dean, everyone paying too much attention to Garth's actions to even notice.

Dean stumbled to the side, his gun hand loosening enough to drop the coin. The sound of the coin hitting and bouncing on the ground for a moment echoed in everyone's ears as relief became prominent throughout the room.

"Ow! God!" Garth exclaimed, shaking his aching hand out, surprised that he hadn't broken it with how hard he'd hit the bigger hunter.

Dean fell back a couple of steps, the shock of the coin being released knocking him off balance. He steadied himself slightly, rubbing a hand across his mouth, as if trying to get rid of a bitter taste. He tried to straighten, stumbling some more before looking around the room in shock.

Garth continued to shake out his hand for a moment, before reaching out to grab the coin from off the floor.

"Garth...don't." Sam exclaimed, not paying attention to the pain flooding through his chest. Dean had kicked him harder than he'd thought, his breathe coming in pants to try and get enough air. Garth didn't pay attention though, and just proceeded to pick it up. He was gasping for breathe but he was able to speak.

"It's cool. It's all good. I'm cool." He continued panting. Dean reached around when he felt something sticky below his ear, a grossed out look appearing on his face at the sight of the ectoplasm. He looked towards Garth, checking to see if he was okay, before turning his attention to his younger brother. The look of shock and horror that appeared on his face surprised Garth until he turned to look in the same direction of his gaze.

Sam leaned against the side of the couch, still panting for a breathe he couldn't seem to find. He pressed a hand to his aching chest to try and see what was wrong, pulling his hand away when he felt something wet. Red coated his hand in a thick liquid that was slowly dripping off his hand. He stared at in uncomprehendingly for a moment before turning his eyes to his big brother.

Dean stared in continued horror, shaking his head in denial of what he was seeing. He finally made his stiff body move, stumbling over before crumbling to his knees beside his brother. He pressed his shaking hands to the bleeding hole in his brothers chest.

"No, no, no, no...This can't be happening...Sammy, can you hear me? Sammy, c'mon...answer me...SAMMY!" Dean cried. Tears streamed down his face as he continued to press his hands against his brothers chest. Sam's eyes had closed, unconsciousness leaving him unresponsive to his brothers cries.

"Sammy...please. I didn't mean it...any of it. Come on little brother, wake up. I gotta make this up to you, I gotta make it right. Please, Sam, please. Wake up!" Dean continued yelling desperately, not hearing Garth in the background on the phone with 911. Dean moved his hands for a moment, pulling Sam's too limp body into his shaking arms, holding him gently while placing his hands back on the gaping wound in his brothers chest. He continued pleading with Sam, with God, calling for Cas even though he knew he couldn't hear him, calling for anyone to help his brother the whole time, paying zero attention to Garth who'd come and sat by his side, pressing his own hands to the wound.

Dean kept holding his brother, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, babbling on to Sam's deaf ears about everything he was gonna do to make it up to him. About the trip to the beach he was gonna take him on as soon as he recovered. About anything, if only Sam would wake up.

This continued on for a few more moments before Dean realized that something had changed. He froze before more tears slid down his face and he pulled Sam even closer to his chest.

Sam had stopped breathing.


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"It's okay, Dean. It's going to be okay...I've got him."

Dean shook his head to try and clear it before pouring himself another drink whiskey. He couldn't get Sam's last words to stay away. It was like it was on one big loop, going round and round in an unending cycle of pain and grief.

It had been a week since Sam had pulled Lucifer and Michael into the pit that opened into the Cage, and it felt like his life had lost all purpose. Even with all the fights and the anger between them these last two years since Dean's return, Sam was still everything to him. He was his pain in the ass little brother, the one who was always there to have his back. He was his.

Dean emptied the glass with one gulp and poured himself another. He swirled the cup, staring into the glass as if it had all the answers that he needed. Namely, how exactly could he get Sam back. Sure, he'd promised him that he would go to Lisa, live the apple pie lifestyle that Sam had always wanted for them, that he would move on and ignore what had happened. But he couldn't. Not without at least trying first. He couldn't just give up like that...not on Sam.

"It's okay, Sammy. I'm here, I'm not leaving you."

Dean stood abruptly and threw his glass across the room and into the hotel room wall, the whiskey trickling down the old wallpaper like rain on a window. He grabbed his chair and threw it into the wall, then pushed all the books, notes and papers onto the floor. Tears spilled unwittingly down his face, coating his cheeks in a wet sheen. He turned and pulled the pillows from the bed and threw them across the room, but couldn't bring himself to touch the other bed in the room...Sam's bed.

Dean collapsed on the edge of the bed farthest from the door, Sam's bed, hands covering his face as memories that he didn't want to remember started trickling in before turning into a flood. All the hurtful words that had been said between them, all the fights and the hits that both hearts had taken more than ever before. Though things had turned physical between them and punches thrown, that would have been the easiest thing to forgive, for both of them. The words however, that would be harder. The things said in spite, the words that had been twisted around and used to hurt, to tear, to maim their relationship. The words that killed them, that murdered them.

"What are you saying, Dean?"

"I'm saying I can't trust you."

Dean leaned over, hands gripping his knees tightly, knuckles turning white from the tightness of it. Grief and pain flowed through him in equal measures. How could he ever say that to Sam, and mean it? How could he ever hurt him that way? Why did things get so bad between them, so bad that they couldn't just talk it out and let it go, let it be forgiven? Why did they have to hurt each other so much? And now, it would never be fixed. They would never get things worked out and be brothers again.

Sam fell into that hole thinking he didn't trust him anymore, that he didn't really want him around anymore, thinking that he hated him, when that was so far from the truth. Sure, he'd been angry and disappointed with Sam for listening to Ruby, for drinking demon blood, for using his "powers", for not listening to him when all he wanted was for him to be safe, but he hadn't hated him. In fact, he kinda understood. Sam had been left all alone, with no one to look after him or be there for him, for the first time in his life. He'd been desperate to find Dean, to bring him back, to not be alone anymore. And Ruby had been there, had been the one to help Sam through his grief. She'd manipulated him, in the worst way possible; by using Dean. By telling him that he could save him from a lifetime in hell. And looking back on it, Dean probably would've done the same thing in that situation. And he'd given Sam so much crap over it.

Dean stood and grabbed the whiskey bottle from the table, taking a swig of it. He couldn't deal with it, deal with the hurt anymore. It hurt more than anything had ever hurt before. And it couldn't be fixed. Ever. He was alone, just like his little brother had been. Now he knew what Sam had felt like during that damn Mystery Spot debacle and when he'd gone to hell.

Sure, Castiel was still around occasionally, but Dean blamed him for some of the strife between him and Sam. Castiel never liked Sam much, nor Sam him, and then when he took the amulet Sam had given him to look for God...a whole hell of a lot of pain started. Dean still remembered the heartbroken, devastated look on Sam's face when he'd dropped the amulet in the trash after Cas had returned it, shoving all the pain and hurt in his brother's face. He'd regretted it right after he'd done it, still regretted it to this day and would for the rest of his life, but he'd been so damn tired of it all. Especially after seeing Sam's "heaven", even though it was pretty obvious to anyone paying any sort of attention that it had been manipulated by that bastard angel Zachariah. He'd wanted them apart as much, if not more, than the demons did. He'd wanted the apocalypse. And they'd just been pawns in a game that wouldn't have ever ended well, no matter who was playing.

Dean leaned against a wall and slid down until he was in a sitting position, taking another sip of the whiskey as he did so. No matter how he thought about any of it, all he could see was a pain between them that didn't have to be there. He wished he hadn't had been so raw from hell, and Sam raw from being alone to fight the good fight. Then things could've been fixed so much more easily.



Dean sighed, thumping his head against the wall. Why did things have to change so much? Why couldn't heaven and hell just left them the heck alone? Why did they have to be the ones to save the world? Hadn't they sacrificed enough? And now, the biggest sacrifice had been made. And for what, no one to give a damn? Sammy just saved the whole world at the cost of himself, and no one knew. And to be honest, he didn't give a crap about the world. He would've let it all rot if it meant that he had his brother back.

"Hope your happy you feather brained and black-eyed sons-of-bitches, because if I see you again I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to my brother." Dean whispered to the still air. And he would. He would hunt down every last one of them and make them pay. He would make them all pay.

Dean took another pull from the bottle. He shouldn't be drinking this much, he knew that, he could actually hear Sam bitching about it, but he couldn't make himself stop. Not now. Not when he just lost his brother, permanently this time. No one was willing to make a deal. In fact, it was as if they were scared to. And that scared Dean, because if they weren't willing to do a deal then that meant they knew something about what Lucifer was capable of so...what did that mean for Sammy?

Dean closed his eyes, still leaning against the wall as he thought about the sort of-kinda fight he and Sam had about him jumping in the pit, with the devil riding him. Why hadn't he tried harder to talk Sam out of it? Sure, Sam had been determined, but Dean also knew that he was doing it because he felt like he had something to prove to him. Like he had to prove to Dean that he was trustworthy, when he hadn't needed to. Dean knew that already. So why didn't he fight harder, even though he knew that was what Sam was thinking? Could some part of him wanted Sam gone? Dean shook his head, refusing to think like that. No, he didn't want his brother gone, no matter how much he made it seem like to Sam.

"We're better of apart, Sam. We're weaker when we're together, not stronger. So I say let's each pick a hemisphere and stick with it."

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah, Sam, I do."

More tears slid down Dean's face, but at the moment he didn't care. He knows he'd hurt Sam so much with saying that, if by the wary look he'd gotten when they finally met up again meant anything. But at the time, it had felt right. He'd been tired of their relationship being used by both sides and just wanted an end for it. Well, that is until he saw exactly what happened to the world when they stayed like that. Dean couldn't imagine Sam saying yes to Lucifer but he guessed, if the pain between them became too much, Sam got tired of it all too. And he couldn't really blame him.

Dean continued to sit there. Trying to think of better times, but all he could make himself remember was them being willing to die for one another without the pressure from outside parties.

"I had to protect you, Sam. It's my job to look after you."

"Don't you think I would do the same for you?"

Sam had proven he'd do the same, even when Dean felt like he couldn't. But Dean wished Sam had been just a little bit selfish. Then maybe, he'd still be here with him.

"Sam, I..."

"Yeah. Me too, Dean."

Dean snorted. If only he'd worked up the nerve to tell Sam he'd loved him, once, before this all went down. Maybe some things would have been different. Why hadn't he?

Dean looked over to the bed that would've housed Sam in a right world. He missed him so freaking much. Even when Sam was being moody, or when he wanted to talk to much, at least he was there. Now, there's just this empty silence hanging around like a dark cloud waiting to pour down on him.

Dean pulled out his phone, scrolling through a few things before he found what he wanted. A picture of him and Sam from before hell. They'd been so happy then, carefree almost. Back when pretty much all they hunted were ghosts, and wendigos and werewolves. Dean wished he could go back to that moment and savor it in a way that he hadn't thought to.

Dean thought back to one of the last real conversation he had with his brother.

"Don't look for me, Dean."

"What the hell are you talking about? Of course I'm gonna try and find a way to get you out."

"No, Dean, you're not. When this is over I want you to go find Lisa, settle down, have that nice apple pie life I've wanted for you. Be happy. Don't get caught up looking for a way, when we both know there isn't one. Promise me."

"I can't promise that, Sammy."

"Promise me."


"That was a stupid thing to make me promise, Sam. You know I can't stop looking for you." Dean said to the empty air, knowing he'd receive no response but waiting for one all the same. At the silence, he gave a bitter laugh.

"I can't keep that promise, Sam. I can't just leave you to rot with those douche bags doing whatever they want to you. Why? Why'd you make me promise that?!" Dean shouted before breaking down into sobs. He couldn't keep that promise. He couldn't. He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't.

"Promise me."

Sam's voice echoed in his mind, fueling his tears. He sobbed for a few more moments, before pulling himself together enough to croak out.

"Alright, Sam. I promise."

Dean knocked on the door, regretting being here but here all the same. He turned towards the door completely when it was pulled open to reveal Lisa. She watched him for a moment before stepping aside and pushing the door open some more. Dean hesitated a second before lightly placing his foot over the threshold.

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#1. I'd like some good J2 or Wincest fics. Bottom Jared/Sam is preferred. Any length is good, though the longer the better:)
I don't care if they're AU!

#2. Any J2 or Wincest where Jensen/Dean cheats on the other.

#3. Any hurt!Jared/Sam fics! J2, Wincest or Gen I don't care


Finding a story

Hey everyone,
I was wondering if you guys could give me links to any good J2 stories. Bottom Jared is preferred.

Also, any stories where Jensen cheats on Jared, or really just any hurt Jared story would be appreciated.



Hey guys! I'm new here, and I was wondering if someone could give me instructions on how to download my stories onto here? If anyone can help, I'd appreciate it:)